Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Baby Fever

I suppose I shocked a lot of my family when I did things in the appropriate order. I graduated high school. I met a guy, fell in love. Got married (even if I did do it in Vegas, mostly because the very thought of having to buy and wear a wedding dress made me nauseous). I made it to age 21 without ever having a baby out of wedlock! Considering I was a bit of a wild child with a family history of young motherdom, I guess I can understand everyone's surprise. We were married in 2008. We were both working full-time, and we were both still in school (he was pursuing his MBA). It just wasn't the right time for a family.

I didn't know how sick I was at the time. I guess I assumed that eventually my doctors would find a medication that would alleviate my migraines and muscle control problems. I wasn't too worried about it. Of course, I got worse, and in November of 2010 I had to quit my job that I loved because I had to dedicate business hours to doctor's appointments. My health has pretty much been on a rapid decline since. Now I realize that there may never be a "right time" to have a baby. My geneticist, Dr. Descartes, assured me that I can have a healthy pregnancy. I have no family history that suggests I have the Vascular form of EDS (for those patients, pregnancy is usually discouraged by medical professionals because it can be super dangerous), so I shouldn't have an increased risk of any fatal complications to me or the baby. I cried when Dr. Descartes told me that there's a 50% my child will inherit my genetic mutation and develop EDS. She explained to me that there are things that can go wrong and disorders that can materialize in babies born to perfectly healthy mothers, and that genetic mutations can sometimes happen sporadically with no family history or affected parent. She also joked, in a lighthearted manner, that there are plenty of people walking around with terrible personalities that shouldn't have kids, but they do. Children were still an option for me, even as an EDS patient.

In a way, I was relieved. My husband has a problem with his pituitary gland, so I have to give him weekly testosterone shots for his body to function normally. His endocrinologist has always told him that he'd refer us to a wonderful reproductive endocrinologist when we decided that it was time to have a baby. When my husband mentioned to him during an appointment that I might have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, he changed his tune. He said we absolutely could not have a baby until I was diagnosed. In fact, he discouraged unprotected sex until diagnosis just on the offchance that we might miraculously conceive without the help of the reproductive endocrinologist. I guess he was concerned about the possibility of Vascular EDS, for valid reasons.So I was happy when Dr. Descartes explained that my family history doesn't indicate that I have VEDS, that she believes I have the Hypermobility form with a good mix of Classic EDS symptoms. This means that the reproductive endocrinologist will still work with us, when we're ready.

Ideally, I'd love to wait until my health gets better to have a baby. Unfortunately I don't see that happening anytime soon. I'm not having much luck with doctors or treatment. My memory loss and aphasia are progressing. The tremors in my hands are worsening. This may be as good as it gets for me. And my husband's age worries me. He's 35, and I don't know what kind of fertility methods/treatments we'll have to try because of his testosterone problem or how long we'll have to wait for them to work. If I were healthy, I wouldn't have to worry about this. Even if the fertility treatments took years, I'd be fine. But in a few years, or two, or even one, I may be much worse off. I know there are people out there who probably think I shouldn't try to have children at all, either because I could pass my EDS on to them or because my health may deteriorate to a point where I can't give them the level of care that I should. I do struggle with the idea of having a biological baby knowing I have a genetic mutation. It's a personal choice that every person with EDS has to make for themselves. As for not being able to give any future children the care that they need, well... let's just say that I see plenty of fat, lazy, negligent mothers in Wal-Mart and they somehow manage to keep their hordes of children alive :) It wouldn't be easy, but it's more than possible. I'm lucky because I don't seem to have a problem with dislocation, so I don't think my mobility will ever be an issue. In my case, it's mostly a "fear of the unknown" situation. I've racked up a number of diagnoses, and my doctors still think there are other issues that we haven't figured out yet. Down the road, I may very well be diagnosed with MS. Anything could happen.

Anyway, it's not easy to be a 25 year old woman whose biological clock seems to be ticking at a faster pace because of a progressive chronic illness. To make matters worse, my younger sister had her first baby (my beautiful niece) at the beginning of August. Seeing the birth and spending time with her afterwards made my heart ache. And, of course, it spurned a new family discussion of "When are you and Ben going to have a baby?" New babies in my family happen every few months, and you'd think they'd be too distracted by the plethora of children birthed by my cousins to notice my empty womb, but no. They notice and they inquire. My family is aware that I have medical problems, and I've told them the diagnoses a few times, but they don't quit understand how serious and often debilitating those medical problems can be. In my family (Irish and mostly-Catholic), married women are generally on a regularly-scheduled program of baby-making. It's unusual to be married for four years without at least one kid. My uterus is obviously behind. I love them and I know they mean well, so I just change the subject. The constant barrage of pregnancies and new babies on Facebook is harder to ignore. I can't begrudge everyone else a new baby just because I have healthy/fertility issues but jeez... the people on my friend's list must have sex constantly. Never before has such a fertile group of people been assembled. I've joked that being my Facebook friend must be an aphrodisiac, because there's a new pregnancy announcement every week, a new notification that so-and-so is x amount of weeks along with their boy/girl. Honestly? It sucks. It makes me sad. It makes me a little bitter, mostly towards myself.

I want a baby. Badly.


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